Tis the week before Christmas, and all through my house,
not a present’s done wrapping, I feel like a louse!
The time is speeding by, it soon will be gone,
with not much to show for it, at Christmas’ dawn.
When what to my wondering mind should occur?
With a to-do list to guide me, this week I’ll endure!
JENION’S PRE-CHRISTMAS TO-DO LIST
- Update flash player on work computer in order to stream Christmas music 24/7
- See Jen Tally to have my
mustache removedhair done
- Call family members to wish them a Merry Christmas and assure them “pakages are in the mail”
- Vacuum dining room multiple times to clean up glitter from holiday crafting “experiment” gone wrong; realize you now have a deep red area rug that permanently sparkles
- Regale friends and co-workers with humorous – or do I mean scary? – stories of Christmases past (such as the time the house filled with toxic fumes and we began Christmas camped out at Perkins; we actually found the bottom of the “bottomless pot” of coffee)
Borrow XanaxMeditate on maintaining inner peace at the airport
- Compare and contrast at least three film adaptations of the Dickens Christmas classic about Scrooge
- Regale friends and co-workers with touching – or do I mean scary? – stories of Hanson Family Christmas Rituals (such as my mother’s traditional “Wait, I have to go to the bathroom!” exclamation just as we are about to go downstairs to see if Santa Claus came)
- Schedule at least two more opportunities to listen to John Denver and The Muppets “A Christmas Together” – don’t forget to say out loud how angry you still are that they left Fozzie Bear’s rendition of “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” off the CD (it was on the original vinyl album circa 1979)
- Buy another box of 50 Christmas cards because you are certain the first box of 50 won’t be enough cards NOT to send out this year.
- Try not to shout at other drivers. Santa or his elves may be watching.
- Remember to say “Thank You!” and “Merry Christmas” to your sales clerks, postal carrier, the housekeeping staff at the office, and God.